Will always be enough

“You wanna know the truth?”. She laughed. 

“Well the fucked up truth is that not everything happens for a reason. Sometimes people make the wrong decisions and they are forced to live with them for the rest of their lives. And I know I should live with mine, because I mean what other choice do I have? 

You can’t turn back the clocks and redo things. You make a mistake and you pay the price, that’s the cold hard truth about life. You can’t change a decision that you have already made, wrong or right. 

But on the loneliest nights I look up at the moon and I smile. Because although now we walk different paths and I know that the years will pass and we won’t be together, I will always remember that for a brief fraction of a moment, against all odds, our stars crossed. And that will always, always be enough for me.

Easier

“You will be fine without him.”, my friend tells me.

“I know. I will even be happy.”.

“So what is the problem?”, she asks.

I stare out the window. It is raining outside.

“It would have been easier,” I said at last, “ to have been happy with him here.”

This is what it feels like

When hurt turns red and a piece of your heart is missing. When the cold bites deep and you have got that feeling like you just got out of surgery. When the only way to stay sane is to concentrate on anything else but how you feel. When you count the tiles in the ceiling. When you push the earphones closer. When you remember every nuance of every word of every time. 

When all this happens, embrace it. 

Feel every feeling. Cry every tear. Sob every sob. Because this is what it feels like to have loved. 

Losing you

I used to think I couldn’t go a day without your smile; without telling you things and hearing your voice back.

Then that day arrived and it was so damn hard but the next was harder. I knew with a sinking feeling it was going to get worse, and I wasn’t going to be okay for a very long time.

Because losing someone isn’t an occasion or an event. It doesn’t just happen once. It happens over and over again. I lose you every time I see buttload of our pics in my phone; whenever our song plays on my Spotify; or when I discover our old tickets and bills in the corners of my sling-bags.

I lose you every time I think of kissing you, holding you, or wanting you. I go to bed at night and lose you, when I wish I could tell you about my day. And in the morning when I wake up and reach for the empty space across the sheets, I begin to lose you all over again. 

Forever maybe

You can’t always be somebody’s ‘forever’.

Sometimes you are just their ‘summer’ or their ‘little while’..

Sometimes not even that.

Sometimes the closest you will get is their ‘almost’ or their ‘maybe’.

And when they leave, the best you can hope for is to be their ‘what if’ or ‘remember when’..

Because you can’t always be somebody’s ‘forever’...

even if they were yours.

Unreachable

When we say ‘I don’t wanna lose you’, we mean our place in their heart.

And we feel we lost them, not when they go far from us, not when we can’t touch them, but when we can’t touch their heart anymore.

Not just a thought

We live in this world where we are encouraged to give up on people. If someone hurts you, you say “screw you” and move on. It’s like everyone has forgotten that strong relationships are made when you go through those rough patches and make it out alive, when you decide that a person is more important to you than their flaws and their mistakes. 

I don’t understand how it is actually an option for some people to completely erase someone out of their lives, push aside all the amazing memories, all the laughs, all the inside jokes, and go on as if the other person never existed. 

Personally, I never forget the way a person made me feel. Memories can fade away and and the words that were said may get jumbled, but you never forget the way someone made you feel. The good feelings always override the bad ones.